..Has made me pretty fucking bitter at times.



Being the only girl AND the yougest I was always teased, insulted, put down, outcasted, and not once have my brothers ever tried to dry my tears or have faith in me in any way...



But I grew up learning to "ignore it" and was always told to "dont let it get to me"... but I DID let it get to me... in a GOOD way. i grew up hearing "YOUR STUPID! or YOUR SUCH AN IDIOT!" And learned to say... Fuck you. I'm smart and I got a damn good head on my shoulders. It helped because I learned not to let others get to me that way either. Anyone can talk down to me all they want, if i dont believe it from my own flesh and blood why should I believe it with them.

But that was really not the case. I was never put down or insulted by my peers, coworkers, or classmates. I made something of myself and am proud to say that in some cases I am even admired.



My parents have been very distant from eachother lately and it's obvious that it effects me more than my brothers. (yeah yeah, i gotta be the sensitive one) I've tried to stay out of the house as much as possible which means i often stay at school late or visit a friend and dont come home till 2 AM. I realized when I was younger i could see the same behavior in my middle child brother. When i saw that it drove me crazy cuz I never knew what he was up to and what he was getting away with when I was constantly being eagle eyed by Daddy Dearest.... After a bit of socializing with our mutual friends from highschool or from street races (yes, street races) i realized we both had some of the same habits sometimes... being that we are up to "no good" speeding and checkin out other cars. My bro graduated from Lincoln Tech and is now a mechanic. He never knew I had an interest in cars or a "cool side" to me up until now. We text every now and then and make eachother laugh... its not much but I do feel closer to him.



My oldest brother is finally moving out. It's kind of a big deal seeing as he's the first egg to leave the nest. It's funny that as much as I think we have in common, we never got along. We followed the same path after highschool both to become Graphic Design majors at the Art Institute of Dallas. Yet when I went to him for possible help, advice, or words of wisdom he never seemed to have enough faith in me to 'waste his time'... I mean, he had to do it on his own, so that means I have to too... right? Well, i didn't think it was right. I wanted his wisdom, but i never got it. But it's okay, cuz I was able to learn, grow, and do things for myself.

Well, back to my point on my oldest. He started moving into his new apartment yesterday. I offered my help by using my truck since he only has a car, but he turned it down. It kind of frustrated me. (I mean c'mon bro! Your little sis is just tryina help! shit...) I went ahead and left him to his packing... Today i sat at table doing some homework and I hear a kinda angry voice yell "Monica! Come here!"... I rolled my eyes and gave a heavy sigh wondering "what the hell do you want?"

I walked into my bros room (old room) and he turns to hand me a stack of text books. "You might need these" he said. I was honestly in shock. I'd asked him months ago if he had any left over supplies and books from college and he told me he sold everything. I was speechless and all I said was "thank you..." and walked out. As I sat and looked through all the art and computer books my nerdy heart raced, lol. My bro walked in and handed me magazines, art history notes, spirals, and more supplies. i was still gratefully speechless. This all meant A LOT coming from him. And I'm happy to say that this feels like a break through. I have ALWAYS looked up to him, even when he pissed me off.



To top off the good news... As i sit here typing this I hear a bit of conversation going on behind me. What they are talking about is nothing special, just the simple fact that they are talking. My parents haven't spoken a single word to each other in a month… but now they are actually having a discussion. It's not good, but at least its something.



I just felt like sharing my little experience and epiphany.

Thank you for your time….



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